My Big Rocks

The Jar, the Rocks, and the Sand

Picture a jar, a handful of large rocks, some small pebbles, and a pile of sand. Pour in the sand first, followed by the pebbles, and there may not be enough room left for all the large rocks. But put the large rocks in first. Let the pebbles settle into the spaces between them, and then add the sand to fill whatever space is left. You now have the rocks, the pebbles, and the sand — all in the jar.

The lesson is simple:

If one puts the Big Rocks in first, everything else can find its place around them. If the smaller things come first, some of the Big Rocks may not be able to fit in. The same thing can happen in life. Emails, WhatsApps, errands, work, other people’s requests and the countless other little things that fill our days - some of which are are really not so important - can leave very little time or energy for what matters most.

Let's define Big Rocks a bit more so it is super clear 

The term “Big Rocks” was made famous by author Stephen Covey. Big Rocks are the most important practices in your life that need your time, attention and care.

They might include: Regular exercise; regular quality time with particular special people in your life, prayer, Torah learning and Teshuva (which we'll talk more about below).

When important practices aren’t intentionally prioritised, smaller things can use up the available time and energy. Life can begin to feel scattered, reactive, like something is missing and eventually one's life can spiral out of control due to the lack of the important but absent Big Rocks. For example, if one does not prioritise certain health practices such as exercise or one neglects certain relationships one could find that after enough time of neglect, what started as a small issue has expanded to something horrific.

Big Rocks are connected to various Life Areas

One can categorise their life into areas, such as physical health, mental health, relationships, mitzvah observance, and each of these areas could be subdivided. Relationships for example could include, a spouse, or looking for one, children, friends, mentors, extended family and so on.

It is often helpful to break one's life into its different major areas and then check so see if there are Big Rocks associated with each particular area that are not being addressed .

In the exercise found at the bottom of this page our goal will help us identify our life areas and big rocks so we can quickly look at our life and see if there are areas being left out:

Some Common Life Areas

There is no single correct list of Life Areas or Big Rocks that will feel right for everyone. Some commonly identified Life Areas and some of the Big Rocks which are associated with them include:

Physical Health - Exercise, quality sleep.

Mental and Emotional Wellbeing - Making time for what you love, e.g. painting, singing, dancing, chess; Regularly meet with whomever is good for your emotional health, e.g. Therapist, good friend, a certain mentor; learning and practicing emuna and bitachon (the foundational Torah mindset that amongst other things reframes one's challenges).

Relationships - Regular quality time with the people who matter to you.

Career and Finances - Taking the time to oversee income and expenditure and plan necessary adjustments.

Contribution to Others - Making regular time to use your abilities, time and resources to make a difference to other people and the wider community. This can be very empowering. Learn more about how to tune into your contribution in the section Explore Your Unique Contribution →.

Our Relationship with Hashem - Making a practice to talk to Hashem, formally from a prayer book, informally whilst driving or standing in a queue; reducing time spent doing things or interacting with things that are unholy.

Torah Learning - Meeting regularly with a study partner to learn the next area of Torah that is right for you. You can get a free, hand picked study partner via: Partners in Torah → , Phone and Learn → , Project Inspire →.

Mitzvah Observance - For example, taking the next step in keeping Shabbos. To learn more how to do this, please check out: 8 Steps Journey to 25 Hours →.

Teshuva Between People - Taking the time regularly, especially leading up to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, to acknowledge and put right things that have gone wrong between ourselves and others — wrongdoing, hurt caused, arguments or money owed.

Teshuva Between Ourselves and Hashem - Looking honestly at where we have fallen short, what needs to change, and how we can repair and strengthen our relationship with Hashem.

 You can read more about both areas of teshuva and find our simple practical exercises to guide you on our  Teshuva page → 

The Big Rock exercise

Our goal in this exercise is simply to step back and see the big picture of our life. To identify our Life Areas - the separate areas of our life and our Big Rocks - the most important practices in your life that need your time, attention and care.

Don't worry if you don't think that you can capture everything right now, and certainly don't worry if you don't think you can address everything on your list right now. We can usually only focus on one thing at a time. Just identifying and becoming more aware is our step for now. Regarding choosing where to focus our energy and attention first we'll do in the following exercise.